Small Town Life

Living in a small town now so I don't get out much. To be honest there is no where to go. Today was my off day. My kids get out of school early every Wednesday and I usually wear sweat pants all day since I don't go anywhere other than the carpool at the school. So today I had just finished with Ryan's school work, we home school our youngest for any newbies lurking around, and we were settling down for a snack and a CSI New York marathon when my hubby calls. He wants us to meet him for lunch. So I was like sure let me get dressed. I take off my sweats, slap on some make up and out the door I go. We are a little early, the restaurant had not opened up yet so we walked around the shopping center. You know how it is new town trying to figure out what everything is and where it is at. Let me take a minute to say this is a brand new Mexican restaurant its really nice and decorated amazing! So next door was the MDOT office and parole office. Umm ok! No joke it had all these signs about if you owe Officer so and so money go to Western Union to make your payment or go to jail and if you pants are sagging you will be arrested. I was amazed. I had never seen such thing. Needless to say if my boys ever get in trouble they will be hurting because their pants are always falling off their nonexistent asses. They got it from their Daddy. So we mosey on over to the next store. Its a furniture store, this has promise. We walk in and we are greeted by a very nicely dressed man. We browse around the store, since we are actually shopping around for a coffee table at the moment. Then we make a loop sorta and are in the back of the store. I had seen a woman walking around but I didn't see her up close. So we walk by a office and I did a double take and then a triple take. There was a pimp in the office. He had on a pimp hat, nice suit, shiny ass shoes the whole nine yards. I had noticed how nicely dressed the salesman was but this guy took the cake. Think pimp on his way to church. This man was dressed up! So then I get a good look at the woman. She walked by us on our way out the store and made a comment about how we could leave our son if we wanted. Yeah cause we go into furniture stores looking for places to leave our kids. She was pretty spectacular in her own right. Homegirl had on some painted on eyebrows in the chola style, bleached blonde hair complete with four inches of black roots, red sweater dress, and high heeled stripper boots. I can't say for sure that all they were selling was furniture but I am never amazed at what all you can see in such a small town. Who needs a big city when you can see such amazing sites at the local furniture store? Oh and the icing on the cake after we were done with lunch I was at the red light leaving the shopping center and the pimp was in his Cadillac picking his teeth with a toothpick, yeah I couldn't make this shit up. I will so be buying my new furniture at their store.

What do you miss most?

When you lose someone what you do miss most about them? Spending time with them, their companionship, the fun, the secrets? Well it has been six years since one of my best friends passed. To be honest I miss most the fact that I have no one on this earth who can understand certain jokes. When you lose someone you lose so much. It has taken me years to come to terms with her death by her own hand and I don't believe she will ever know how hard it is for me. I feel so selfish. She had her reasons for why she took her life, ones that have never been shared with me. But I am still angry. Angry that she deprived me of her friendship, angry that my children do not get to know her, angry that I have jokes no one gets. I am angry at myself for not spending more of the precious time I had with her. Angry that we grew apart in the last two years of her life. Hindsight is a bitch. The whole self blame thing, if I would have been there more, if I would have listened, if I would have known. Guilt is so real sometimes you can taste it like a bitter pill you can't totally swallow and its just stuck in your throat. I miss her so much yet I am so angry with her for leaving me alone.

Welcome

Not much to see here. I am just getting started. I can no longer post at pugsandkids. Between the loss of the pug and all the changes in my life I felt like it was time for a brand new start! So welcome to my new home, come on in and sit a spell. I promise to have things going soon.